I think about this a bloody lot, have I done enough?
Being a mother, it is a ca-jillion times worse, persistently thinking have I done enough? It can cover a broad range being a mammy – have spent enough time with my children? Did I read enough bedtimes stories? Have I made enough homemade nutrient dense food?
I swear I spent the first couple of years of Alden’s life thinking that I was an utter failure, a sh*te mam – because looking at other mams on social media or in real life they always seemed to be managing way better than me. From the extreme theyre breastfeeding and I ‘failed’ at that to silly things like their house was always so tidy or they’re always off on amazing adventures! It’s fascinating how much we unintentionally absorb from society.
It took me a good while to decide enough was literally enough. I was so done with making myself feel inadequate. I know it was only myself thinking this so maybe I could change my train of thought. I’ve worked in/been around mental health so I can sometimes calm my anxieties through coping mechanisms I’ve picked up along the way.
I remember stumbling upon Anna Mathur Instagram account, if you don’t follow her you really really should. She seems to word thoughts and feelings on mental health so perfectly. She is also downright hilarious – her stories are so real! She posted a number of quotes or posts and has said a few things since I started following her that have slowly changed my way of thinking. But one more recently really has made me see life in a different way. I’ve already thanked her so many times on instagram, I feel like a groupie LOL!!
She explained on this post, in more depth than this, to learn to change the way you say things to yourself. Rather than I’ve GOT all this washing to do, I’ve GOT to get Alden’s tea, bath, bedtime story, bed and do housework in between – bascially anything that felt stressy or overwhelming at times to me – change it to GET.
I GET to go for a walk with Alden or even I GET to change his stinky nappy! Because she’s absolutely right, some people don’t get to do these things. It really helps me to adjust my frame of mind from being so stressed that I have all these chores to do, errands to run, work, keep a social life, adventures with Alden etc etc to I GET to do those things and I’m so grateful. It’s mini ephinanies where I suddenly realise in any given moment I GET to be here in it – in the present. It’s mind blowing.
Im obsessed with self improvement and positive thinking – I mean who doesn’t love a good quote feed on Pinterest. It’s a continual personal progression of mine and don’t get me wrong it isn’t easy at all, it isn’t a quick fix for me. Im an InfJ personality type, trust me it’s so hard. Im definitely not one of those people who switch something over in their minds and move on. But I’m learning to.