As I sit here typing this blog post away I can’t help but feel warmly content with my little family.
After a delicious tea, Alden is reading his space stories over by his rocket den, it’s cosy, calm and quiet.
There has been so much struggle in the last half of 2019 but I surprise myself by being able to often not ruminate on it. I’m not 100% sure if its a coping technique like my body is in this constant alert phase – I’ve kind of getting numb to it with the odd flare/terror to throw things in the works – I do see the path clearing
I do see hope in 2020.
Even though my circumstances at the moment are difficult, a daily struggle with stress and worry I find solice in simply saying at least I get to do the daily things.
Its been a whole year since my first blog post and although at the beginning I was focused and had this idea in my head that I’d be a lot more active writing more etc – it didnt happen but that’s okay – life did. It’s crazy to think that it’s even been a whole year already.
For 2020 I am adopting the same approach to that blog post. I didnt really tick off many of the little goals I had on this mental list for growth. However, in an attempt to deter from the negative feeling like I’ve failed I’m going to continue to work on them again – continual growth whilst remaining present is something I am working on too. It was my original intention when writing the first post last year after all. I’m hoping to plan to write more blog posts, make more vlogs and vides, post more on insta and enjoy it. Hoping to break 10k on there this year!
Anna Mathur – whom I’ve mentioned in admiration, immense grattitude and appreciation before! She wrote another perfect caption about growth on a recent post that I could really relate to in my present life.
‘Sometimes growth looks like you’ve gone backwards
To a messier less together place’
I’m hopeful for 2020 that I’ll have lots of opportunities to make so many amazing memories with my dude. I’m hoping that I can get some answers about my health – 3 years since Alden arrived it’d be nice to not feel pain all the time. I’m trying to maintain an optimistic outlook for when I am invited to start a PTSD course, then the intense CBT following – it’s petrifying don’t get me wrong but I’m relieved to have validation and an action plan.
I’m learning and will hopefully focus in 2020 on simply being kinder to myself. Learning to live with a chronic condition when my personality clashes with the concept so so much is hard to say the least. So I’m going to take the good with the bad and not try to compare. If I need to rest, which I’ve never ever known how to do, I’m going too. Im hoping to put less pressure on myself. I’m really hoping to be so unapologetically happy, for myself and Alden – it’s what matters most to me.
I’m hoping to get back into eating healthier to feel better in myself starting with Veganuary, day one so far has went good. I won’t beat myself up if I don’t complete every day – less pressure remember. I’ve been dairy free for a few month through choice and I already feel a lot better. I’ve decided to ultimately become Flexitarian if I can’t wrap my head around or fit Veganism into our life, budget and time.
Making the large majority of our meals plant based homemade and wholesome I’m hoping will have a knock on effect to combat the daily exhaustion from the issues mentioned above. I’m hoping it’s like a cycle, eat better, feel better, be better. I’m going to plan our weeks meals to budget better to plan our time more efficiently, I don’t know about anyone else but thinking about what to have at each meal time is unnecessarily time consuming so I’m hoping if I plan I can utilise that time for other things or for rest.
Drinking more water. A must! I choose water usually as I actually like it. I used to feel incredible when I drank 3ltrs a day. After the initial feeling of this is hard work to fit in, it becomes enjoyable and the benefits all around are worth it.
I’m going to summarise my hopes into a little list and put it on my fridge to remind me, give me inspiration to carry on and leave a blank section incase I see some things along the way I’d like to work on.
If you have any 2020 goals I’d love to hear about them here in comments – or follow us on Instagram and let me know on our 2020 post.
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